Outside Pressures on the Relationship

Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.

Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise.

Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.

Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"

What to Do When Conflict Arises

Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.

• Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
• Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
• Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
• Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
• Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want."
• Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
• Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
• Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
• Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
• Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"

Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship

1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other's differences, points of view, and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out."

The Poor African Diet

Balanced diet

The poor diet that most African children are exposed to is one of the main causes of African poverty and underdevelopment. It could perhaps explain why it was easy for Europeans to colonise Africans and why Africa is still being exploited both by foreigners and by its own leaders. The brain is the intelligent part of the body. The highest function of life- thinking- takes place in the brain. Why are Kenyans and by extension Africans corrupt? Poverty. Poverty stems from lack of a balanced diet and as a result, poor or bad brain development. To conceive and execute good strategies, one requires good working brains. Good brains in turn need good food.

Consider the most recommended diet below:

Carbohydrates 50-60%

Protein 10-20%

Fats 30-35%

Fibres 25-35grammes/daily

Vitamins

Carbohydrates are a source of energy. Proteins ensure body growth and repair (remember brain growth and worn out cells also need replacements). Fats provide energy and fat soluble vitamins. Vitamins in small quantities keep you healthy. Mineral salts ensure healthy teeth, bones and muscles while Fibres help your intestines to function correctly

Most African children and adults do consume 90% of carbohydrates in their daily diet and about 10% of the rest. The most important source of protein to an African’s brain comes from the carbohydrates metabolism already in the body. This metabolism tries hard to change the too much consumed carbohydrates to protein. A growing human being and developing brains need a lot of protein. Proteins are very important for the repair of worn out or dead cells. This is seen even in hospitals after operations; a poor diet causes wound to heal slowly and poorly.  Immunity, the way a body fights germs or diseases is also weak on individuals having poor diet. No brain will function well if you do not have enough food or good proteins.

Africans always blame the whites for malpractices that exist on the continent- while most of them are a result of our poor thinking. Consider the Anglo-leasing or Goldenberg scandals in Kenya. Europeans as well as respective African leaders were involved. But who is suffering? We see a very big difference on brain manipulations. Whereas Kenyan leaders were manipulating the system in Kenya and the tax-payers, the Europeans or Americans connected in these scandals were manipulating both our leaders and the common Kenyan man and woman plus their children.

You can extend that to the skewed global economic order that has made Africans producers of raw materials but left the processing of finished products to developed nations. We can’t harness our mineral resources; exploit solar energy; feed ourselves or even believe in ourselves unless a white man is involved! Isn’t that a show of malfunctioning or underdeveloped brains?

The past generation and present adults in Africa are already a let down to the continent. Just look at  Gaddafi; how can a president call for a jihad war against a foreign country as Gaddafi is doing now to Switzerland- just because  his son messed in Switzerland and was subjected to the Swiss law?  Do you think he has any live  brainy cells left in his head? What development will such a brain will bring to Africa? What development will brains that collude with foreigners to plunder Africa’s resources bring to the continent?

The poor diet theory explains a lot about the less achievement Africans have accomplished. The gene theory that laziness or brainless is more on blacks than in other races does not hold water anymore today.

We need to give our children better diets. We will see the difference. We need good diets- this will ensure good brains hence good mentors and good programmes. Most of Africans still eat a diet of 90% carbohydrates and 10% of very useless overcooked vegetables. This diet contains little or no nutrients required by the human brain to develop fully in order to handle due process. Our carbohydrate dependent society combined with leaders who are a product of carbohydrates is a recipe for disaster.  Just visit any boarding school in Africa and consider its diet, then compare it with our European counterparts. 

If the brain is already saturated with a lot of carbohydrates, do you expect to get any inventors?  You will end up breeding more corrupt bookworms and 'proffessionals' who can't solve any problem in the society.

With a good diet, Africans can achieve wonders: do not forget that our continent is one of the richest in the world- but it lags behind to due underdeveloped brains