Outside Pressures on the Relationship

Differences in Background. Even partners coming from very similar cultural, religious, or economic backgrounds can benefit from discussing their expectations of how a good boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse behaves. What seems obvious or normal to you may surprise your partner, and vice versa. If you are from different backgrounds, be aware that you may need to spend more time and energy to build your relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner's culture or religion, being careful to check out what parts of such information actually fit for your partner.

Time Together and Apart. How much time you spend together and apart is a common relationship concern. If you interpret your partner's time apart from you as, "he or she doesn't care for me as much as I care for him or her," you may be headed for trouble by jumping to conclusions. Check out with your partner what time alone means to him or her, and share your feelings about what you need from the relationship in terms of time together. Demanding what you want, regardless of your partner's needs, usually ends up driving your partner away, so work on reaching a compromise.

Your Partner's Family. For many students, families remain an important source of emotional, if not financial, support during their years at the university. Some people find dealing with their partner's family difficult or frustrating. It can help to take a step back and think about parental good intentions. Families may offer well-intentioned advice about your relationship or your partner. It's important that the two of you discuss and agree on how you want to respond to differing family values and support one another in the face of what can be very intense "suggestions" from family.

Friends. There are some people who seem to believe that "I have to give up all my friends unless my partner likes them as much as I do." Giving up friends is not healthy for you or the relationship, except in circumstances where your friends pressure you to participate in activities that are damaging to yourself and the relationship. At the same time, keep in mind that your partner may not enjoy your friends as much as you do. Negotiate which friends you and your partner spend time with together. You might ask: "Which of my friends do you enjoy seeing and which ones would you rather I see alone or at other times when I'm not with you?"

What to Do When Conflict Arises

Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and conflict resolution.

• Understand Each Others' Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that their families had different ways of expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
• Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
• Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before you're satisfied.
• Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
• Distinguish between things you want versus things you need from your partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a "want."
• Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
• Discuss One Thing at a Time. It can be tempting to list your concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
• Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following: (a) don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..." This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into a fight.
• Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit" themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
• Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll work this problem out?"

Eight Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good Relationship

1. Be aware of what you and your partner want for yourselves and what you want from the relationship.
2. Let one another know what your needs are.
3. Realize that your partner will not be able to meet all your needs. Some of these needs will have to be met outside of the relationship.
4. Be willing to negotiate and compromise on the things you want from one another.
5. Do not demand that a partner change to meet all your expectations. Work to accept the differences between your ideal mate and the real person you are dating.
6. Try to see things from the other's point of view. This doesn't mean that you must agree with one another all the time, but rather that both of you can understand and respect each other's differences, points of view, and separate needs.
7. Where critical differences do exist in your expectations, needs, or opinions, try to work honestly and sincerely to negotiate. Seek professional help early rather than waiting until the situation becomes critical.
8. Do your best to treat your partner in a way that says, "I love you and trust you, and I want to work this out."

The Poor African Diet

Balanced diet

The poor diet that most African children are exposed to is one of the main causes of African poverty and underdevelopment. It could perhaps explain why it was easy for Europeans to colonise Africans and why Africa is still being exploited both by foreigners and by its own leaders. The brain is the intelligent part of the body. The highest function of life- thinking- takes place in the brain. Why are Kenyans and by extension Africans corrupt? Poverty. Poverty stems from lack of a balanced diet and as a result, poor or bad brain development. To conceive and execute good strategies, one requires good working brains. Good brains in turn need good food.

Consider the most recommended diet below:

Carbohydrates 50-60%

Protein 10-20%

Fats 30-35%

Fibres 25-35grammes/daily

Vitamins

Carbohydrates are a source of energy. Proteins ensure body growth and repair (remember brain growth and worn out cells also need replacements). Fats provide energy and fat soluble vitamins. Vitamins in small quantities keep you healthy. Mineral salts ensure healthy teeth, bones and muscles while Fibres help your intestines to function correctly

Most African children and adults do consume 90% of carbohydrates in their daily diet and about 10% of the rest. The most important source of protein to an African’s brain comes from the carbohydrates metabolism already in the body. This metabolism tries hard to change the too much consumed carbohydrates to protein. A growing human being and developing brains need a lot of protein. Proteins are very important for the repair of worn out or dead cells. This is seen even in hospitals after operations; a poor diet causes wound to heal slowly and poorly.  Immunity, the way a body fights germs or diseases is also weak on individuals having poor diet. No brain will function well if you do not have enough food or good proteins.

Africans always blame the whites for malpractices that exist on the continent- while most of them are a result of our poor thinking. Consider the Anglo-leasing or Goldenberg scandals in Kenya. Europeans as well as respective African leaders were involved. But who is suffering? We see a very big difference on brain manipulations. Whereas Kenyan leaders were manipulating the system in Kenya and the tax-payers, the Europeans or Americans connected in these scandals were manipulating both our leaders and the common Kenyan man and woman plus their children.

You can extend that to the skewed global economic order that has made Africans producers of raw materials but left the processing of finished products to developed nations. We can’t harness our mineral resources; exploit solar energy; feed ourselves or even believe in ourselves unless a white man is involved! Isn’t that a show of malfunctioning or underdeveloped brains?

The past generation and present adults in Africa are already a let down to the continent. Just look at  Gaddafi; how can a president call for a jihad war against a foreign country as Gaddafi is doing now to Switzerland- just because  his son messed in Switzerland and was subjected to the Swiss law?  Do you think he has any live  brainy cells left in his head? What development will such a brain will bring to Africa? What development will brains that collude with foreigners to plunder Africa’s resources bring to the continent?

The poor diet theory explains a lot about the less achievement Africans have accomplished. The gene theory that laziness or brainless is more on blacks than in other races does not hold water anymore today.

We need to give our children better diets. We will see the difference. We need good diets- this will ensure good brains hence good mentors and good programmes. Most of Africans still eat a diet of 90% carbohydrates and 10% of very useless overcooked vegetables. This diet contains little or no nutrients required by the human brain to develop fully in order to handle due process. Our carbohydrate dependent society combined with leaders who are a product of carbohydrates is a recipe for disaster.  Just visit any boarding school in Africa and consider its diet, then compare it with our European counterparts. 

If the brain is already saturated with a lot of carbohydrates, do you expect to get any inventors?  You will end up breeding more corrupt bookworms and 'proffessionals' who can't solve any problem in the society.

With a good diet, Africans can achieve wonders: do not forget that our continent is one of the richest in the world- but it lags behind to due underdeveloped brains

Could you have a heart attack -- and not know it?

The lights dim in your favorite movie theater. You have your popcorn, Goobers and the largest soda you've ever seen. You're ready to watch the hero battle corruption for the good of all mankind -- to risk it all and lose his one true love in the process. He overcomes the odds and defeats the unscrupulous enemy. Alone and exhausted, his true love returns to reclaim the man that she cannot live without. Suddenly, our hero clutches his chest, doubles over and has trouble breathing. He drops to his knees and lays in his lover's arms. Before he goes, he manages a final farewell -- "I did it all for you." Then his tired, broken heart gives out once and for all. The curtain falls -- not a dry eye in the house.
If only all heart attacks were like they are in the movies. Unfortunately, that's not how they typically go down. A heart attack isn't very complicated. Your heart, like all muscles, needs blood to function properly. Blood is carried throughout the body through blood vessels and larger arteries. When the coronary arteries that supply blood to your heart get blocked, you're likely to have a heart attack. These arteries become blocked because of a buildup of something called plaque. Plaque may build if:

• you're overweight
• you don't exercise
• your diet has too much fat and cholesterol
• you're stressed
• you smoke
• you drink alcohol in excess
• you have a history of heart disease in your family

These factors put you at risk for plaque buildup, called atherosclerosis, and eventually a heart attack. Once that plaque builds up, it can rupture and completely block the artery, cutting off the blood supply to your heart.
Some of the common symptoms of a heart attack are:

• sweating
• shortness of breath
• chest pressure
• chest pain
• prolonged squeezing in your chest area
• pain shooting through arms, shoulders, back or jaw
• nausea and vomiting

Women may also experience additional symptoms when they have heart attacks, and no one is quite sure why. The symptoms include clammy skin, dizziness, a burning sensation in the chest and unexplained fatigued. About 1.2 million Americans have heart attacks each year, and it's the leading killer of both men and women. About a third of these victims die before they ever get to the hospital. This is because you can actually have a heart attack and never realize it. It's called a "silent" heart attack, and it happens more often than you might think.

Tips on How to Have a Healthy Heart, How to Prevent Heart Disease.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what would it take to avoid a heart surgeon?  How about a multivitamin / mineral pill and some omega-3 oil (canola-rapeseed, flax, fish)?  Add a diet low in processed food and a good 'lifestyle' (don't smoke, control waist size, manage stress well, some exercise) and you will improve general health and help prevent heart disease.  I know, it is normal to believe you're eating a good diet but there is mathematical certainty that even the best diet does not get you the vitamin levels that our bodies and genome developed on.  Supplementation fixes this and is safe, cheap and, best of all: easy. This site looks at the food, supplement and prevention side of disease.  I study nutrition in medicine as an independent researcher but it is not my job.  This site doesn't generate money or sell anything.  Below are highlights about the nutrients that prevent damage to your artery and bone structure and sometimes even cure it, and about those that can help you survive already existing artery damage.

In food processing, as when making flour or noodles, we lose 60-90% of most heart healthy vitamins.  We degrade proteins by frying and high heat and our factories hydrogenate oil which first zaps all omega-3 (really vitamin F-3) by trans-forming it into toxic trans fat.    Science shows that a heart healthy diet is one with relatively unprocessed foods with veggies and some fruits, and rice or grains that retain some of their original kernel-structure to slow digestion.  Such 'whole' foods became scarce in Western diets.  If you can't recognize part of the original food, the item is processed or refined.  Some eggs, liver or fish are probably also vital for most of us.

Why a add multi-vitamin pill to your diet?  Well, most fast single nutrient diseases like scurvy, beriberi and goiter were wiped out by food fortification, our 'weapon of mass nutrition'.  However, processed foods low in many nutrients such as vitamins B6, B12, folic acid and others, cause 'Long-Latency Deficiency Diseases', such as heart disease, cancer, bone loss and Alzheimer's.  Think of these as nutrient deficiency diseases with long incubation periods and the science suddenly makes sense!  Start with cholesterol and the science will never makes sense (can your doctor explain the 6th figure from the bottom?).

Long Distance Relationship Arrangements

OK, so you know that many long distance couples find this arrangement to be the best of both worlds. You can live life without constant attention to a partner's needs, but have a person with whom you connect for romance and fun.
But what happens if something comes up in your normal life that is a real crisis? How does your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend fit into this situation? Do you not tell them about it? This may be the choice for some who don't want to bring “real life” into the bubble of that long distance love.
Or do you call them for support? Do you reach out as most folks would, for the comforting voice of your intimate partner?
There is no correct answer here. But it can be a turning point in telling you both about where your relationship is and where it is going.
How each of you handle this situation will tell you a lot. How do they handle your crisis. Or, conversely, how do you feel about them bringing their crisis to you? If you share a crisis with them, are they supportive or avoidant? If they call you, are you empathic or resentful that they're dumping this on you? A positive response can range from their staying more in touch than normal by calling or emailing regularly to get you through the crisis. Or it could involve their hopping on a plane to be with you. Or it could be anything in between. There's no correct response in this situation. It's all about what each of you needs, how well that need is conveyed, and how the response comes back. How it's handled will tell you a lot about what's possible for a real relationship down the road.

Solve Conflicts in Relationships

Solve Conflicts by taking the LEAD
Conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing. In fact, conflicts in relationships can be constructive when used as a vehicle for improving communication. The following four steps can help you use conflict as a tool for gaining clarity, creating deeper understanding and strengthening relationships.
When you are in the midst of conflict, take the LEAD to manage it respectfully and calmly.
Listen to what is being said. Many times, conflict arises from a simple lack of understanding or miscommunication. Avoid making assumptions about what you hear. Instead, ask for clarification. For example, “I heard you say X, is that what you meant?”

E xplorethe feelings that come up – Sometimes conflict escalates because something about the situation is an emotional trigger for us. If you’re feeling upset by the conversation, try to determine where the feeling is coming from. Take several deep breaths and try to remember that what is happening now is completely separate from the past. You can manage conflict more effectively if you deal only with the matter at hand. When you start introducing memories and past sleights it will be tough to get past the history of bad feelings to work toward a positive outcome.

A ffirm theother person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree to understand the other point of view. Simply acknowledging and validating someone’s feelings can be a powerful tool for resolving conflict positively. At the end of the day, most people just want to be heard.
Decide on a fair course of action. Now that you have a clear idea of what the problem is and where the person is coming from, it is time to explore some solutions. Throw out some ideas that you can vet together. Choose the soundest option that you can agree on. Plan to revisit your decision within a specified period of time to see how you are doing and what changes, if any, need to be made.

Multi-Vitamin Supplementation

Like Hannah Green said,Health is not simply the absence of sickness!

Many people don't really know their body's requirements and

 why there is a need for supplementation every single day.

 They completely rely on their meals alone, thinking these will suffice?

Multivitamins intake has been a debatable topic over the years,

 to date, there is not enough of awareness.Complacency still

 exists in the community. Many are complacent that by having

 the standard recommended servings of vegetables and fruits,

 taking multivitamins or supplements is not necessary.

But the truth is multivitamins are essential. You do not have to

 wait till you are unwell to consider taking them.

Vitamins are for supplementing a normal meal with nutritional

 values that food cannot give. We need to replenish ourselves

with vitamins constantly because they are not stored for long in the body.

 Instead, they travel through your bloodstream. This cluster of

 vitamins includes vitamin C, and the large group of B vitamins - B1 (thiamine),

 B2 (riboflavin), niacin, B6 (pyridoxine), folic acid, B12 (cobalamine),

 biotin, and pantothenic acid.

Herbal supplements are another nutritional enhancement.

 They are processed plants in capsule form. Herbal supplements

 have phytonutrients that exert different activities in the body to

 enhance biological processes. The big difference between vitamins

 and herbal supplements is that the latter may be used to alleviate

 symptoms of specific ailments or diseases. For example,

 Ashwagandha is widely used to help relieve stress while restoring

 balance in your nervous system. It improves the fighting capacity

 or adaptability of the body against all types of stress. Ashwagandha

 also deeply rejuvenates on a cellular level. It elevates stamina and

 endurance, maintaining enough energy throughout the day as

 it relieves exhaustion. Vitamins and mineral supplements are

 taken generally to make up for nutrients lacking in their diet.

 Women, who are not getting sufficient calcium diet, take calcium

 supplements daily to help prevent osteoporosis.

We may not realize this, but by consuming herbal supplements,

 we are absorbing nutrients from plants.

Herbal medicine has come a long way and holds a respected history.

 Numerous studies have proven for a fact that the therapeutic

 benefits and the healing ability of several medicinal herbs are

 significant if they are properly administered with a healthy lifestyle.

Relationship Help

Advice for Building Healthy and Exciting Love Relationships

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Learn about ways to keep a healthy relationship strong, or work on repairing trust and love for a relationship on the rocks

How to strengthen your relationship and make love last

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:
What makes a healthy love relationship?

• Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, through, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 
• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

Love relationship help tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.
Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Love relationship help tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

• Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
• Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
• Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

• Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
• Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with a pet or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
• Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in diffusing tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill.
Read: Playful Communication in Relationships: The Power of Laughter and Play

Love relationship help tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

Use your senses to keep stress in check

If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
Read: Quick Stress Relief: How to Manage and Relieve Stress in the Moment

Love relationship help tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

• Make sure you are fighting fair.
• Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
• Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
• Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

See Conflict Resolution Skills: Managing and Resolving Conflict.

Love relationship help tip 5: Expect ups and downs

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

• Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
• Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
• Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.

If you need more relationship help and advice

Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem bigger than what the couple can handle. In that case, it’s important to reach out together for help.

• Couples counseling. You might be considering couples counseling or marriage counseling. It’s a big investment, and time, energy, focus and commitment are needed from both people to make a difference. Both parties need to be willing and able to honestly communicate what you need, face issues arising in counseling and make changes. It’s important also that both people feel comfortable with the counselor.
• Spiritual advice. Some couples benefit from spiritual advice from a religious figure such as a pastor or rabbi. This tends to work best if both persons have similar convictions of faith and have a good relationship with the spiritual advisor.
• Emotional Intelligence training course. A starting point for couples is to take a free Emotional Intelligence training course, found at the end of this article.  This in-depth course provides both articles and video explaining how to put the skills of emotional intelligence and communication into practice.
• Individual therapy. Sometimes one person may need specialized help. For example, someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one may need counseling to help them process the grief. If your loved one needs help, don’t feel like you are a failure for not providing them everything they need. No one can fulfill everyone’s needs, and getting the right help can make a tremendous difference in your relationship.

Testimonies from does who bought the book:The 500 inmate Questions

SUCCESS STORIES:
Thanks for sending me a preview copy of your 500 Intimate Questions.  I have purchased all your other books and this one has been the most powerful in my relationship.  For the past month we've made the ritual of putting the kids to bed and then sitting in front of the fireplace to read through 10 of the questions.  We usually take about 30 minutes to discuss and more times than not, it has resulted in passionate lovemaking right in the living room.  - Brian W.

My husband and I had been making love about every three months.  To be honest, I don't think we were that much in love anymore after 37 years of marriage, raising 4 kids, etc.  I know I'm not as attractive as I was when we were first married but some resentment on my part also crept in.  The questions were a god-send.  We've been going through them for 3 weeks now and we've made love 8 times -- without the blue pill even!  The best part for me is the emotional intimacy that has returned (although I'm not complaining about the very, very good sex).  - Eleanor G.

I got the questions because I wasn't ready to have sex with my boyfriend.  We went through the first  100 questions and I realized it would have been a huge mistake.  We see sex/making love so differently!  Your book saved me a lot of heartache I'm sure. - Sari V.

Although we have been married for 17 years somehow we never asked most of those questions.  And the answers I got were often quite different than what I was anticipating.  Very good stuff.  - Jon B.

All these years I thought my wife was very reserved sexually.  Now I found out she has desires for our lovemaking to be a little "wilder".  I would have never known if it weren't for these questions. - Peter C.

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I love how all the questions weren't just about "sex" but also about dreams, desires, romance and love.  That is what really turns me on.   I was a bit more nervous about asking/answering some of the hard-core sex questions but in the end it was very worthwhile. - Brigit D.

Eating Essentials

Time to make some changes in your diet? Learn all about the food guide pyramid, remarkable vitamins, the best super foods, calorie requirements, and more.

Balancing Act

Climbing to the Top of the Food Pyramid

The new food pyramid gives you the best choices for your busy lifestyle. Learn why getting closer to the guidelines is a good step in the right direction.

Vegetables: Going Green, Red, and Orange

Discover more about vegetables -- from dark green to orange to starchy. Find out how many vegetable servings you and your family need each day.

Fruit: From Apples to Watermelon

Learn all about fruits, how many servings you need daily, and what fruits can do to boost your health.

Meats and Beans: Not Your Mama’s Protein

Discover the different types of protein foods included in the meats and beans group. Find out how much you need daily from this group depending on your age, sex, and physical activity.

Milk, Yogurt and Cheese: Dairy Is Your Friend

Learn about the different types of dairy products that are high in calcium and low in fat. Discover how many servings you and your family need each day.

Oils: The Good and the Bad

Find out if you are eating healthy fats or unhealthy fats. Learn more about healthy oils and how many servings you need daily.

Eating by the New Food Guide Pyramid

Learn all about the different food groups and calorie and portion sizes you and your family need each day.

Vitamins

The Facts About Vitamins

From A to zinc, discover all the remarkable vitamins that can boost wellness and help you feel great.

Essential Vitamins for Women at Every Age

Learn more about essential vitamins women need to stay well. Find out if you’re getting all the necessary vitamins for your age and stage of life.

Vitamins and Minerals: Best Food Sources

Discover why whole foods are excellent sources of vitamins, minerals, and other key nutrients for good health.

Antioxidants and Your Immune System: Super Foods for Optimal Health

Learn about antioxidant powerhouses and how these immune-boosting foods keep you well.

The Benefits of Vitamin C

Find out what vitamin C can -- and can't -- do and where to find this powerhouse nutrient.

Acai Berries

WebMD examines the health benefits, anti-aging properties, and weight loss claims of acai berries.

Necessary Nutrients

7 Nutrients Your Diet May Be Missing

Is your diet be missing these seven essential nutrients? Find out now.

10 Everyday Super Foods

Try these 10 super foods that are easy to eat and packed with multiple nutrients to help you stay healthy.

The Wonders of Water

Learn how much water is necessary each day for good health and how many common foods such as apples and yogurt are mostly water.

Good Fat, Bad Fat: The Facts About Omega-3

Discover all about the health benefits of omega-3 fatty acids and why these good fats should be added to your daily diet.

Mealtime Strategies

Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day

Discover how breakfast can make the difference in learning at school, productivity at work, and how well you stick with your diet.

Brown Bag Lunches That Make the Grade

Bored with brown bag lunches? Learn how to move beyond PB&J, so lunchtime becomes a gourmet feast without a lot of work.

What’s for Dinner? Quick and Easy Options

Want yummy dinners but have no time to cook? Take a few minutes to learn about quick and easy mealtime options.

Tips for Eating at Work

Discover seven tips for eating at work that can improve your desk-dining experience.

African Americans Diet

The 2000 U.S. Census revealed that there were almost 35 million African Americans, or about 13 percent of the total U.S. population. This small percentage of the populace has had a significant influence on American cuisine, not only because African-American food is diverse and flavorful, but also because of its historical beginnings. Despite their cultural, political, economic, and racial struggles, African Americans have retained a strong sense of their culture, which is, in part, reflected in their food.

Origins of the African-American Diet: The Aftereffects of Slavery

The roots of the diversity of African-American cuisine may be traced back to 1619, when the first African slaves were sold in the New World. In a  A major ingredient in cuisine of African origin, okra traveled to the eastern Mediterranean, Arabia, and India long before it came to the New World with African slaves. The thickening characteristic of its sticky substance is put to good use in the preparation of gumbos and stews. [Photograph by Robert J. Huffman/Field Mark Publications. Reproduced by permission.] quest to build new cities in America, Europeans actively transported Africans and West Indians (people from the West Indies) to the new land. The West Indies (in the Caribbean Sea) was part of the slave route to America. Because the West Indians' skin color was similar to that of Africans, they were not treated any differently. As a result, some West Indian food traditions are similar to those of African Americans.
It is not surprising that African-American food has a distinctive culinary heritage with diverse flavors, as it includes traditions drawn from the African continent, the West Indies, and from North America. While the European nations were busy establishing new societies, they did not realize that the African and West Indian slaves who worked for them brought their own vibrant and and rich culture—a culture that would withstand and adapt to the harsh centuries of slavery.
Food historian Karen Hess writes about the struggle of African Americans to maintain some of their original culture through food. "The only thing that Africans brought with them [from Africa] was their memories." Slave traders attempted to craft culturally sensitive rations for the Africans by including yams, rice, corn, plantains, coconuts, and scraps of meat in the slaves' provisions.
Southern slaves established their own cooking culture using foods that were similar to foods that were part of their African and West Indian heritages, and many popular foods in the African-American diet are directly associated with foods in Africa. For instance, the African yam is similar to the American sweet potato. White rice is also popular because it was a major part of the diet in West Africa. African Americans infuse plain rice dishes with their own savory ingredients (popular rice dishes include gumbo and "hoppin' John," a dish made with rice, black-eyed peas, and salt pork or bacon).

The Legacy of African-American Cuisine

Popular southern foods, such as the vegetable okra (brought to New Orleans by African slaves), are often attributed to the importation of goods from Africa, or by way of Africa, the West Indies, and the slave trade. Okra, which is the principal ingredient in the popular Creole stew referred to as gumbo, is believed to have spiritual and healthful properties. Rice and seafood (along with sausage or chicken), and filé (a sassafras powder inspired by the Choctaw Indians) are also key ingredients in gumbo. Other common foods that are rooted in African-American culture include black-eyed peas, benne seeds (sesame), eggplant, sorghum (a grain that produces sweet syrup and different types of flour), watermelon, and peanuts.
Though southern food is typically known as "soul food," many African Americans contend that soul food consists of African-American recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation, just like other African-American rituals. The legacy of African and West Indian culture is imbued in many of the recipes and food traditions that remain popular today. The staple foods of African Americans, such as rice, have remained largely unchanged since the first Africans and West Indians set foot in the New World, and the southern United States, where the slave population was most dense, has developed a cooking culture that remains true to the African-American tradition. This cooking is aptly named southern cooking, the food, or soul food. Over the years, many have interpreted the term soul food based on current social issues facing the African-American population, such as the civil rights movement. Many civil rights advocates believe that using this word perpetuates a negative connection between African Americans and slavery. However, as Doris Witt notes in her book Black Hunger (1999), the "soul" of the food refers loosely to the food's origins in Africa.
In his 1962 essay "Soul Food," Amiri Baraka makes a clear distinction between southern cooking and soul food. To Baraka, soul food includes chitterlings (pronounced chitlins), pork chops, fried porgies, potlikker, turnips, watermelon, black-eyed peas, grits, hoppin' John, hushpuppies, okra, and pancakes. Today, many of these foods are limited among African Americans to holidays and special occasions. Southern food, on the other hand, includes only fried chicken, sweet potato pie, collard greens, and barbecue, according to Baraka. The idea of what soul food is seems to differ greatly among African Americans.

General Dietary Influences

In 1992 it was reported that there is little difference between the type of foods eaten by whites and African Americans. There have, however, been large changes in the overall quality of the diet of African Americans since the 1960s. In 1965, African Americans were more than twice as likely as whites to eat a diet that met the recommended guidelines for fat, fiber, and fruit and vegetable intakes. By 1996, however, 28 percent of African Americans were reported to have a poor-quality diet, compared to 16 percent of whites, and 14 percent of other racial groups. The diet of African Americans is particularly poor for children two to ten years old, for older adults, and for those from a low socioeconomic background. Of all racial groups, African Americans have the most difficulty in eating diets that are low in fat and high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. This represents an immense change in diet quality. Some explanations for this include: (1) the greater market availability of packaged and processed foods; (2) the high cost of fresh fruit, vegetables, and lean cuts of meat; (3) the common practice of frying food; and (4) using fats in cooking.

Regional differences.

Although there is little overall variability in diets between whites and African Americans, there are many notable regional influences. Many regionally influenced cuisines emerged from the interactions of Native American, European, Caribbean, and African cultures. After emancipation, many slaves left the south and spread the influence of soul food to other parts of the United States. Barbecue is one example of Africaninfluenced cuisine that is still widely popular throughout the United States. The Africans who came to colonial South Carolina from the West Indies brought with them what is today considered signature southern cookery, known as barbacoa, or barbecue. The original barbecue recipe's main ingredient was roasted pig, which was heavily seasoned in red pepper and vinegar. But because of regional differences in livestock availability, pork barbecue became popular in the eastern United States, while beef barbecue became popular in the west of the country.

Other Ethnic Influences.

Cajun and Creole cooking originated from the French and Spanish but were transformed by the influence of African cooks. African chefs brought with them specific skills in using various spices, and introduced okra and native American foodstuffs, such as crawfish, shrimp, oysters, crabs, and pecans, into both Cajun and Creole cuisine. Originally, Cajun meals were bland, and nearly all foods were boiled. Rice was used in Cajun dishes to stretch out meals to feed large families. Today, Cajun cooking tends to be spicier and more robust than Creole. Some popular Cajun dishes include pork-based sausages, jambalayas, gumbos, and coush-coush (a creamed corn dish). The symbol of Cajun cooking is, perhaps, the crawfish, but until the 1960s crawfish were used mainly as bait.
More recently, the immigration of people from the Caribbean and South America has influenced African-American cuisine in the south. New spices, ingredients, combinations, and cooking methods have produced popular dishes such as Jamaican jerk chicken, fried plantains, and bean dishes such as Puerto Rican habichuelas and Brazilian feijoada.

Holidays and Traditions.

African-American meals are deeply rooted in traditions, holidays, and celebrations. For American slaves, after long hours working in the fields the evening meal was a time for families to gather, reflect, tell stories, and visit with loved ones and friends. Today, the Sunday meal after church continues to serve as a prime gathering time for friends and family.
Kwanzaa, which means "first fruits of the harvest," is a holiday observed by more than 18 million people worldwide. Kwanzaa is an African-American celebration that focuses on the traditional African values of family, community responsibility, commerce, and self-improvement. The Kwanzaa Feast, or Karamu, is traditionally held on December 31. This symbolizes the celebration that brings the community together to exchange and to give thanks for their accomplishments during the year. A typical menu includes a black-eyed pea dish, greens, sweet potato pudding, cornbread, fruit cobbler or compote dessert, and many other special family dishes.

Folk beliefs and remedies.

Folk beliefs and remedies have also been passed down through generations, and they can still be observed today. The majority of African-American beliefs surrounding food concern the medicinal uses of various foods. For example, yellow root tea is believed to cure illness and lower blood sugar. The bitter yellow root contains the antihistamine berberine and may cause mild low blood pressure. One of the most popular folk beliefs is that excess blood will travel to the head when one eats large amounts of pork, thereby causing hypertension. However, it is not the fresh pork that should be blamed for this rise in blood pressure, but the salt-cured pork products that are commonly eaten. Today, folk beliefs and remedies are most often held in high regard and practiced by the elder and more traditional members of the population.

Effects of Socioeconomic Status: Poverty and Health

Many of the foods commonly eaten by African Americans, such as greens, yellow vegetables, legumes, beans, and rice, are rich in nutrients. Because of cooking methods and the consumption of meats and baked goods, however, the diet is also typically high in fat and low in fiber, calcium, and

Diet-Related Disease by Race	Obesity (%)	Diabetes (%)	Hypertension (%)
SOURCE: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics (2002).
African Americans
Male	21.1	7.6	36.7
Female	37.4	11.2	36.6
Total	33.4	10.8	36.6
Whites
Male	20.0	4.7	24.6
Female	22.4	5.4	20.5
Total	21.3	7.8	22.1
Hispanics
Male	23.1	8.1	NA
Female	33.0	11.4	NA
Total	26.2	9.0	NA

potassium. In 1989, 9.3 million of the black population (30.1%) had incomes below the poverty level. Individuals who are economically disadvantaged may have no choice but to eat what is available at the lowest cost. In comparison to other races, African Americans experience high rates of obesity, hypertension, type II diabetes, and heart disease, which are all associated with an unhealthful diet.
Obesity and hypertension are major causes of heart disease, diabetes, kidney disease, and certain cancers. African Americans experience disproportionately high rates of obesity and hypertension, compared to whites.
High blood pressure and obesity have known links to poor diet and a lack of physical activity. In the United States, the prevalence of high blood pressure in African Americans is among the highest in the world. The alarming rates of increase of obesity and high blood pressure, along with the deaths from diabetes-related complications, heart disease, and kidney failure, have spurred government agencies to take a harder look at these problems. As a result, many U.S. agencies have created national initiatives to improve the diet quality and the overall health of African Americans.

Looking Forward to a Healthier Tomorrow

African-American food and its dietary evolvement since the beginning of American slavery provide a complicated, yet extremely descriptive, picture of the effects of politics, society, and the economy on culture. The deep-rooted dietary habits and economic issues that continue to affect African Americans present great challenges regarding changing behaviors and lowering disease risk. In January 2000, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services launched Healthy People 2010, a comprehensive, nationwide health promotion and disease prevention agenda. The overarching goal of this program is to increase quality and years of healthy life and eliminate health disparities between whites and minority populations, specifically African Americans. As national health initiatives and programs continue to improve and target African Americans and other populations in need, preventable diseases will be lowered, creating a healthier U.S. society.

M. Cristina F. Garces Lisa A. Sutherland