Defining Love, Fundamental Wedding Commitments Of Marriage

In relationships, defining love comes in the form of a fundamental commitment decision to get married and to remain in that marriage, (tell death do us part). There are many ways that society goes about defining love, much of which is sexually orientated. However a true love definition can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which says; Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance.
Did you notice that the love definition above had no connotations about romance or sex? That is not to say that they would not play a part within a marriage, but they are not on a marriages foundational premise. Another way of defining love is to say that love is otherness, love intently looks to meet the needs of others, not of itself. So in deciding to commit yourself through the love of marriage, means to make a fundamental choice to love your spouse. You see it’s not about getting married because you are lonely, it’s not about being horny, it’s not about financial economics, it’s not about having a house, a car, or a picket fence. It’s all about having someone to cherish, to hold dear, and to love, no matter what! That is why so many marriages end up in divorce, married couples venture off on their wedding day under inaccurate pretexts.
A couple first needs to define what a commitment to love means individually, to themselves, before rushing down the wedding isle. (After two failed marriages I finally understood this. Make sure your choices are in alignment and that they are not set on foundations of quicksand!). When you decide you want to get married, you need to be making a fundamental decision to love within you. Sure you say you want to be with them for the rest of your life, but you have got to be resolved inside of yourself with the primary objective of loving your spouse through all the hills and valleys of life. You must decide that you are going to love the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of them. Since we are imperfect beings, you are going to find some imperfections, some things you do not enjoy about them. So you will have to love them with all their blemishes, and they are guaranteed to have a few! Don’t worry though, you won’t be alone in this, your spouse will likewise have to learn to love you with your flaws as well. Through love you will both learn to overlook these pieces of each other, you will have many opportunities to love, through extensions of grace. Once a couple learns to love the smaller portions of imperfections in each other, loving the other 90 percent will be even more enjoyable. This is a process that you could call the maturing of your love.
The defined marriage commitment may not be what you previously thought, and this is why it is highly suggested that you seek and obtain some pre-marital counseling before you make promissory vows to each other in a wedding. You need to have some good insights into the components of a healthy marriage. Obtaining wisdom will help you to make the right choices now, and to be the best lover you can be. In your marriage you will actually be defining love on a personal level with your spouse, in other words, together you will be creating your own love experience through companionship. You should want your wedding day to be remembered joyfully, 10, 20, or 50 years from now.
You need to have an in-depth understanding that to love your partner in marriage is a lifelong choice. It is a personal decision that should be understood in the depths of your soul. When the wedding day comes you will be defining your love for each other by committing to one another in marriage. You will have already made a promise to yourself to love your future spouse, but now you will be making 2 more promises! As you are joined and say your vows, you will be making a promise to your soon to be spouse and to God! Once the wedding is completed you have made 3 promises to love; you will have promised yourself that you would love your spouse, you will have promised your spouse, and you have promised God. If for any reason you think that you may forget about any of the three defining love commitments, you can always look at the ring around your finger to refresh your memory.
Your relational definition of love will be what you both create together by the actions of love in your marriage. As in the love definition above, love requires patience, love is unselfish, love overlooks offenses, love forgives, love is honest, love is faithful, love hopes, and love endures. Defining love in a relationship requires effort, respect, encouragement, giving, sharing, sacrificing, compromise, compassion, tenderness, understanding, humility, grace, mercy, empathy, thoughtfulness, appreciation, optimism, and cooperation, (just to name a few). Defining love is far more than a feeling, far more than sleeping in the same bed, it’s continuous actions in daily practice.

Can you be friends with the opposite sex?

HE SAID: Ladies, welcome to the biggest relationship cliché in the history of men and women. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan made this question famous twenty years ago in When Harry Met Sally, psychologists have studied and debated the merits of cross-gender relationships to death, and who hasn’t heard a friend say “you can’t be friends with a member of the opposite sex?” Despite what you may have learned growing up or what your girlfriends say at happy hour, men and women can absolutely be anywhere from good to great to best friends. It doesn't happen all the time and it's not always easy, but it is possible.

The single biggest reason that deep friendships between men and women fail is sexual tension. Women I spoke to consistently said that it is “difficult to impossible” to have fulfilling friendships with men because as the friendship develops, men will inevitably want to elevate the relationship to a romantic level. Similarly but in much simpler terms, men I spoke to said that it is difficult to be friends with women “when you want to sleep with them”. Apparently, the tension between men and women can be so thick and muddies the waters of friendship so much that both genders are resigned to compartmentalize each other as a form of self-preservation.

From personal experience, I can say that I have been attracted to a fair share of my female friends. I have flirted with most, hit on a few, been hit on by others, turned down by some, and slept with some more. In almost every case, we were able to either maintain or improve our friendship because we confronted the sexual tension that existed, and mutually agreed how to deal with it. Sexual tension is certainly real, impossible to ignore, and can be difficult to negotiate. But like the weather, you can either let it dictate what you want to do, or you can deal with it. If you cannot manage your sexual tension or the sexual tension thrown your way, then be prepared to experience challenges in your day-to-day relationships throughout your life. Friendships between men and women do not fail because of sexual tension; they fail because of a lack of honestly about it—because it is brushed under the carpet, instead of being confronted. They fail, ultimately, because sometimes, we would rather lose a friend than go out on a limb. The funny thing we tend to forget about going out on a limb is that, after all, it's where the fruit is.

SHE SAID: I've had no trouble at all being friends with the opposite sex—once I've crossed that boundary and laid one on them, that is.

I'll admit it, I have poor impulse control—I've locked lips with most of my male friends, either before or after we became friends. For the men I've hooked up with at some point after establishing a platonic friendship, it's generally gone back to its pre-hookup state, our curiosities satisfied and our friendship unharmed.

I whole-heartedly believe that you can be close friends with the opposite sex. I also believe that almost all of these close friendships—friendships that venture outside of the group hangout setting—start with or eventually confront some sexual or romantic attraction, sometimes mutual and sometimes one-sided. Now, this doesn't mean you necessarily have to do something about it. Me? I need to confront the elephant in the room first and kiss them.

We're all busy people. We have enough friends. Fostering a new friendship takes time and effort...and let's admit it, sometimes we're a little more eager to do so if we're also picturing our new friend naked. Sometimes it grows and interferes with an actual friendship blossoming, but often, that attraction fades or is not all that strong in the first place, and the friends in question are able to carry on in a platonic fashion.

Bottom line: you can be just friends with the opposite sex, but chances are, one of you has entertained the thought of taking things a step further—but that doesn't mean you're not real friends. And if you're reading this and shaking your head in disagreement, thinking of that friend who's "just like a brother" to you, just know that you're probably on the receiving end of some very friendly thoughts.