Relationship Help

Advice for Building Healthy and Exciting Love Relationships

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Learn about ways to keep a healthy relationship strong, or work on repairing trust and love for a relationship on the rocks

How to strengthen your relationship and make love last

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:
What makes a healthy love relationship?

• Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, through, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 
• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

Love relationship help tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.
Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Love relationship help tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

• Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
• Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
• Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

• Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
• Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with a pet or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
• Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in diffusing tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill.
Read: Playful Communication in Relationships: The Power of Laughter and Play

Love relationship help tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

Use your senses to keep stress in check

If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
Read: Quick Stress Relief: How to Manage and Relieve Stress in the Moment

Love relationship help tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

• Make sure you are fighting fair.
• Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
• Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
• Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

See Conflict Resolution Skills: Managing and Resolving Conflict.

Love relationship help tip 5: Expect ups and downs

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

• Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
• Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
• Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.

If you need more relationship help and advice

Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem bigger than what the couple can handle. In that case, it’s important to reach out together for help.

• Couples counseling. You might be considering couples counseling or marriage counseling. It’s a big investment, and time, energy, focus and commitment are needed from both people to make a difference. Both parties need to be willing and able to honestly communicate what you need, face issues arising in counseling and make changes. It’s important also that both people feel comfortable with the counselor.
• Spiritual advice. Some couples benefit from spiritual advice from a religious figure such as a pastor or rabbi. This tends to work best if both persons have similar convictions of faith and have a good relationship with the spiritual advisor.
• Emotional Intelligence training course. A starting point for couples is to take a free Emotional Intelligence training course, found at the end of this article.  This in-depth course provides both articles and video explaining how to put the skills of emotional intelligence and communication into practice.
• Individual therapy. Sometimes one person may need specialized help. For example, someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one may need counseling to help them process the grief. If your loved one needs help, don’t feel like you are a failure for not providing them everything they need. No one can fulfill everyone’s needs, and getting the right help can make a tremendous difference in your relationship.

Testimonies from does who bought the book:The 500 inmate Questions

SUCCESS STORIES:
Thanks for sending me a preview copy of your 500 Intimate Questions.  I have purchased all your other books and this one has been the most powerful in my relationship.  For the past month we've made the ritual of putting the kids to bed and then sitting in front of the fireplace to read through 10 of the questions.  We usually take about 30 minutes to discuss and more times than not, it has resulted in passionate lovemaking right in the living room.  - Brian W.

My husband and I had been making love about every three months.  To be honest, I don't think we were that much in love anymore after 37 years of marriage, raising 4 kids, etc.  I know I'm not as attractive as I was when we were first married but some resentment on my part also crept in.  The questions were a god-send.  We've been going through them for 3 weeks now and we've made love 8 times -- without the blue pill even!  The best part for me is the emotional intimacy that has returned (although I'm not complaining about the very, very good sex).  - Eleanor G.

I got the questions because I wasn't ready to have sex with my boyfriend.  We went through the first  100 questions and I realized it would have been a huge mistake.  We see sex/making love so differently!  Your book saved me a lot of heartache I'm sure. - Sari V.

Although we have been married for 17 years somehow we never asked most of those questions.  And the answers I got were often quite different than what I was anticipating.  Very good stuff.  - Jon B.

All these years I thought my wife was very reserved sexually.  Now I found out she has desires for our lovemaking to be a little "wilder".  I would have never known if it weren't for these questions. - Peter C.

OMG!  That's all I can say.  I just bought your book and after 7 questions she pounced on me on the couch, undid my pants and....  well, I'm still in awe.  It was AWESOME!!!  - Chad M.

I love how all the questions weren't just about "sex" but also about dreams, desires, romance and love.  That is what really turns me on.   I was a bit more nervous about asking/answering some of the hard-core sex questions but in the end it was very worthwhile. - Brigit D.

Eating Essentials

Time to make some changes in your diet? Learn all about the food guide pyramid, remarkable vitamins, the best super foods, calorie requirements, and more.

Balancing Act

Climbing to the Top of the Food Pyramid

The new food pyramid gives you the best choices for your busy lifestyle. Learn why getting closer to the guidelines is a good step in the right direction.

Vegetables: Going Green, Red, and Orange

Discover more about vegetables -- from dark green to orange to starchy. Find out how many vegetable servings you and your family need each day.

Fruit: From Apples to Watermelon

Learn all about fruits, how many servings you need daily, and what fruits can do to boost your health.

Meats and Beans: Not Your Mama’s Protein

Discover the different types of protein foods included in the meats and beans group. Find out how much you need daily from this group depending on your age, sex, and physical activity.

Milk, Yogurt and Cheese: Dairy Is Your Friend

Learn about the different types of dairy products that are high in calcium and low in fat. Discover how many servings you and your family need each day.

Oils: The Good and the Bad

Find out if you are eating healthy fats or unhealthy fats. Learn more about healthy oils and how many servings you need daily.

Eating by the New Food Guide Pyramid

Learn all about the different food groups and calorie and portion sizes you and your family need each day.

Vitamins

The Facts About Vitamins

From A to zinc, discover all the remarkable vitamins that can boost wellness and help you feel great.

Essential Vitamins for Women at Every Age

Learn more about essential vitamins women need to stay well. Find out if you’re getting all the necessary vitamins for your age and stage of life.

Vitamins and Minerals: Best Food Sources

Discover why whole foods are excellent sources of vitamins, minerals, and other key nutrients for good health.

Antioxidants and Your Immune System: Super Foods for Optimal Health

Learn about antioxidant powerhouses and how these immune-boosting foods keep you well.

The Benefits of Vitamin C

Find out what vitamin C can -- and can't -- do and where to find this powerhouse nutrient.

Acai Berries

WebMD examines the health benefits, anti-aging properties, and weight loss claims of acai berries.

Necessary Nutrients

7 Nutrients Your Diet May Be Missing

Is your diet be missing these seven essential nutrients? Find out now.

10 Everyday Super Foods

Try these 10 super foods that are easy to eat and packed with multiple nutrients to help you stay healthy.

The Wonders of Water

Learn how much water is necessary each day for good health and how many common foods such as apples and yogurt are mostly water.

Good Fat, Bad Fat: The Facts About Omega-3

Discover all about the health benefits of omega-3 fatty acids and why these good fats should be added to your daily diet.

Mealtime Strategies

Breakfast: The Most Important Meal of the Day

Discover how breakfast can make the difference in learning at school, productivity at work, and how well you stick with your diet.

Brown Bag Lunches That Make the Grade

Bored with brown bag lunches? Learn how to move beyond PB&J, so lunchtime becomes a gourmet feast without a lot of work.

What’s for Dinner? Quick and Easy Options

Want yummy dinners but have no time to cook? Take a few minutes to learn about quick and easy mealtime options.

Tips for Eating at Work

Discover seven tips for eating at work that can improve your desk-dining experience.

African Americans Diet

The 2000 U.S. Census revealed that there were almost 35 million African Americans, or about 13 percent of the total U.S. population. This small percentage of the populace has had a significant influence on American cuisine, not only because African-American food is diverse and flavorful, but also because of its historical beginnings. Despite their cultural, political, economic, and racial struggles, African Americans have retained a strong sense of their culture, which is, in part, reflected in their food.

Origins of the African-American Diet: The Aftereffects of Slavery

The roots of the diversity of African-American cuisine may be traced back to 1619, when the first African slaves were sold in the New World. In a  A major ingredient in cuisine of African origin, okra traveled to the eastern Mediterranean, Arabia, and India long before it came to the New World with African slaves. The thickening characteristic of its sticky substance is put to good use in the preparation of gumbos and stews. [Photograph by Robert J. Huffman/Field Mark Publications. Reproduced by permission.] quest to build new cities in America, Europeans actively transported Africans and West Indians (people from the West Indies) to the new land. The West Indies (in the Caribbean Sea) was part of the slave route to America. Because the West Indians' skin color was similar to that of Africans, they were not treated any differently. As a result, some West Indian food traditions are similar to those of African Americans.
It is not surprising that African-American food has a distinctive culinary heritage with diverse flavors, as it includes traditions drawn from the African continent, the West Indies, and from North America. While the European nations were busy establishing new societies, they did not realize that the African and West Indian slaves who worked for them brought their own vibrant and and rich culture—a culture that would withstand and adapt to the harsh centuries of slavery.
Food historian Karen Hess writes about the struggle of African Americans to maintain some of their original culture through food. "The only thing that Africans brought with them [from Africa] was their memories." Slave traders attempted to craft culturally sensitive rations for the Africans by including yams, rice, corn, plantains, coconuts, and scraps of meat in the slaves' provisions.
Southern slaves established their own cooking culture using foods that were similar to foods that were part of their African and West Indian heritages, and many popular foods in the African-American diet are directly associated with foods in Africa. For instance, the African yam is similar to the American sweet potato. White rice is also popular because it was a major part of the diet in West Africa. African Americans infuse plain rice dishes with their own savory ingredients (popular rice dishes include gumbo and "hoppin' John," a dish made with rice, black-eyed peas, and salt pork or bacon).

The Legacy of African-American Cuisine

Popular southern foods, such as the vegetable okra (brought to New Orleans by African slaves), are often attributed to the importation of goods from Africa, or by way of Africa, the West Indies, and the slave trade. Okra, which is the principal ingredient in the popular Creole stew referred to as gumbo, is believed to have spiritual and healthful properties. Rice and seafood (along with sausage or chicken), and filé (a sassafras powder inspired by the Choctaw Indians) are also key ingredients in gumbo. Other common foods that are rooted in African-American culture include black-eyed peas, benne seeds (sesame), eggplant, sorghum (a grain that produces sweet syrup and different types of flour), watermelon, and peanuts.
Though southern food is typically known as "soul food," many African Americans contend that soul food consists of African-American recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation, just like other African-American rituals. The legacy of African and West Indian culture is imbued in many of the recipes and food traditions that remain popular today. The staple foods of African Americans, such as rice, have remained largely unchanged since the first Africans and West Indians set foot in the New World, and the southern United States, where the slave population was most dense, has developed a cooking culture that remains true to the African-American tradition. This cooking is aptly named southern cooking, the food, or soul food. Over the years, many have interpreted the term soul food based on current social issues facing the African-American population, such as the civil rights movement. Many civil rights advocates believe that using this word perpetuates a negative connection between African Americans and slavery. However, as Doris Witt notes in her book Black Hunger (1999), the "soul" of the food refers loosely to the food's origins in Africa.
In his 1962 essay "Soul Food," Amiri Baraka makes a clear distinction between southern cooking and soul food. To Baraka, soul food includes chitterlings (pronounced chitlins), pork chops, fried porgies, potlikker, turnips, watermelon, black-eyed peas, grits, hoppin' John, hushpuppies, okra, and pancakes. Today, many of these foods are limited among African Americans to holidays and special occasions. Southern food, on the other hand, includes only fried chicken, sweet potato pie, collard greens, and barbecue, according to Baraka. The idea of what soul food is seems to differ greatly among African Americans.

General Dietary Influences

In 1992 it was reported that there is little difference between the type of foods eaten by whites and African Americans. There have, however, been large changes in the overall quality of the diet of African Americans since the 1960s. In 1965, African Americans were more than twice as likely as whites to eat a diet that met the recommended guidelines for fat, fiber, and fruit and vegetable intakes. By 1996, however, 28 percent of African Americans were reported to have a poor-quality diet, compared to 16 percent of whites, and 14 percent of other racial groups. The diet of African Americans is particularly poor for children two to ten years old, for older adults, and for those from a low socioeconomic background. Of all racial groups, African Americans have the most difficulty in eating diets that are low in fat and high in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. This represents an immense change in diet quality. Some explanations for this include: (1) the greater market availability of packaged and processed foods; (2) the high cost of fresh fruit, vegetables, and lean cuts of meat; (3) the common practice of frying food; and (4) using fats in cooking.

Regional differences.

Although there is little overall variability in diets between whites and African Americans, there are many notable regional influences. Many regionally influenced cuisines emerged from the interactions of Native American, European, Caribbean, and African cultures. After emancipation, many slaves left the south and spread the influence of soul food to other parts of the United States. Barbecue is one example of Africaninfluenced cuisine that is still widely popular throughout the United States. The Africans who came to colonial South Carolina from the West Indies brought with them what is today considered signature southern cookery, known as barbacoa, or barbecue. The original barbecue recipe's main ingredient was roasted pig, which was heavily seasoned in red pepper and vinegar. But because of regional differences in livestock availability, pork barbecue became popular in the eastern United States, while beef barbecue became popular in the west of the country.

Other Ethnic Influences.

Cajun and Creole cooking originated from the French and Spanish but were transformed by the influence of African cooks. African chefs brought with them specific skills in using various spices, and introduced okra and native American foodstuffs, such as crawfish, shrimp, oysters, crabs, and pecans, into both Cajun and Creole cuisine. Originally, Cajun meals were bland, and nearly all foods were boiled. Rice was used in Cajun dishes to stretch out meals to feed large families. Today, Cajun cooking tends to be spicier and more robust than Creole. Some popular Cajun dishes include pork-based sausages, jambalayas, gumbos, and coush-coush (a creamed corn dish). The symbol of Cajun cooking is, perhaps, the crawfish, but until the 1960s crawfish were used mainly as bait.
More recently, the immigration of people from the Caribbean and South America has influenced African-American cuisine in the south. New spices, ingredients, combinations, and cooking methods have produced popular dishes such as Jamaican jerk chicken, fried plantains, and bean dishes such as Puerto Rican habichuelas and Brazilian feijoada.

Holidays and Traditions.

African-American meals are deeply rooted in traditions, holidays, and celebrations. For American slaves, after long hours working in the fields the evening meal was a time for families to gather, reflect, tell stories, and visit with loved ones and friends. Today, the Sunday meal after church continues to serve as a prime gathering time for friends and family.
Kwanzaa, which means "first fruits of the harvest," is a holiday observed by more than 18 million people worldwide. Kwanzaa is an African-American celebration that focuses on the traditional African values of family, community responsibility, commerce, and self-improvement. The Kwanzaa Feast, or Karamu, is traditionally held on December 31. This symbolizes the celebration that brings the community together to exchange and to give thanks for their accomplishments during the year. A typical menu includes a black-eyed pea dish, greens, sweet potato pudding, cornbread, fruit cobbler or compote dessert, and many other special family dishes.

Folk beliefs and remedies.

Folk beliefs and remedies have also been passed down through generations, and they can still be observed today. The majority of African-American beliefs surrounding food concern the medicinal uses of various foods. For example, yellow root tea is believed to cure illness and lower blood sugar. The bitter yellow root contains the antihistamine berberine and may cause mild low blood pressure. One of the most popular folk beliefs is that excess blood will travel to the head when one eats large amounts of pork, thereby causing hypertension. However, it is not the fresh pork that should be blamed for this rise in blood pressure, but the salt-cured pork products that are commonly eaten. Today, folk beliefs and remedies are most often held in high regard and practiced by the elder and more traditional members of the population.

Effects of Socioeconomic Status: Poverty and Health

Many of the foods commonly eaten by African Americans, such as greens, yellow vegetables, legumes, beans, and rice, are rich in nutrients. Because of cooking methods and the consumption of meats and baked goods, however, the diet is also typically high in fat and low in fiber, calcium, and

Diet-Related Disease by Race	Obesity (%)	Diabetes (%)	Hypertension (%)
SOURCE: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics (2002).
African Americans
Male	21.1	7.6	36.7
Female	37.4	11.2	36.6
Total	33.4	10.8	36.6
Whites
Male	20.0	4.7	24.6
Female	22.4	5.4	20.5
Total	21.3	7.8	22.1
Hispanics
Male	23.1	8.1	NA
Female	33.0	11.4	NA
Total	26.2	9.0	NA

potassium. In 1989, 9.3 million of the black population (30.1%) had incomes below the poverty level. Individuals who are economically disadvantaged may have no choice but to eat what is available at the lowest cost. In comparison to other races, African Americans experience high rates of obesity, hypertension, type II diabetes, and heart disease, which are all associated with an unhealthful diet.
Obesity and hypertension are major causes of heart disease, diabetes, kidney disease, and certain cancers. African Americans experience disproportionately high rates of obesity and hypertension, compared to whites.
High blood pressure and obesity have known links to poor diet and a lack of physical activity. In the United States, the prevalence of high blood pressure in African Americans is among the highest in the world. The alarming rates of increase of obesity and high blood pressure, along with the deaths from diabetes-related complications, heart disease, and kidney failure, have spurred government agencies to take a harder look at these problems. As a result, many U.S. agencies have created national initiatives to improve the diet quality and the overall health of African Americans.

Looking Forward to a Healthier Tomorrow

African-American food and its dietary evolvement since the beginning of American slavery provide a complicated, yet extremely descriptive, picture of the effects of politics, society, and the economy on culture. The deep-rooted dietary habits and economic issues that continue to affect African Americans present great challenges regarding changing behaviors and lowering disease risk. In January 2000, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services launched Healthy People 2010, a comprehensive, nationwide health promotion and disease prevention agenda. The overarching goal of this program is to increase quality and years of healthy life and eliminate health disparities between whites and minority populations, specifically African Americans. As national health initiatives and programs continue to improve and target African Americans and other populations in need, preventable diseases will be lowered, creating a healthier U.S. society.

M. Cristina F. Garces Lisa A. Sutherland

Other Tips to a more Heathier Relationship

1.            Start Over
When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting.  They overlook the little annoying things the other person does.  However, after time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,” they might hear “Why are you wearing that shirt?”

If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need to sit down and be honest that things have changed.  Identify the things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that created the attraction in the first place.  Then together, make a commitment to start over.  The truth is, both of you will have to work on this.  It will not automatically be easy but it is possible.  Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the past, and then start over with the flirtation.  Focus only on the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant things aside.  It will take some time so be patient.
 

2.            Schedule Time
Spending quality time together is crucial.  This time can be with friends, dining out, attending a sporting event, or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie.  The activity is not what is important but the fact that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy.  People have extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home, errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your mate can be difficult.  Just as you would schedule a meeting on your calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time with each other.  Once the plan is in place, no backing out unless you have some life and death emergency.
 

3.            The Power of Touch
When a child is ill, doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch of a parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis.  It is the same for relationships.  Playing with your mate’s hair, rubbing their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate responds to you.  When was the last time you walked up to your mate for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a kiss on their neck?  This is not in a sexual way, but an affectionate way.  There is a difference.  The next time the two of you are sitting in the car, at the grocery story, or standing in line at the theater, quietly reach over and take their hand.  Do not be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time!
 

4.            Surprise
If you and your mate have scheduled some time for a Friday night dinner, put together a surprise instead.  For example, if your mate loves professional wrestling, buy some tickets near the front or if they like concerts, purchase the tickets ahead of time, getting the best seats possible.  When Friday night comes around, insist on driving and head toward the location where the event is taking place.  When asked where you are going, simply answer, “I have a surprise for you.  I know you love professional wrestling so I purchased two great seats for tonight’s performance,” or “I know we had planned on going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something special.  I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in concert.”  The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart!
 

5.            Needed Space
As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give each other time to do something they like.  If your mate loves to fish but you have no desire to bait a hook with little, slimy worms, or if you like to go to the casino but your mate would rather do something different, encourage each other to take time apart.  Try establishing a set time for this very purpose, if possible.  For example, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night is “singles” night.  This is not a time to date other people, but to enjoy preferred activities.  Remember that you have to place trust in your relationship.  If you try this and then drill them, to see what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the exercise has failed.
 

6.            No Debates
If you know that you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, avoid those subjects.  As an example, if you are a Republican and your mate is a Democrat, politics should probably be avoided.  As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started.
 

7.            Filler Talk
If you are married, especially with children, break out of the habit of talking about nothing.  Many times, families will be sitting around the dinner table and the conversation consists of, “Do you like your carrots?”, or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?”  Instead, change your strategy to include real questions, showing real interest.  Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at work?” with “Tell me what you did at work today.”  Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest.  It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your mate’s life. Maybe an android phone is a good way to talk to your partner.
 

8.            Re-establish Old Traditions
If you and your mate had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it.  Perhaps you met after work on Friday at the local pub for a drink, washed your cars together every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday.  Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition.
 

9.            Predictability
If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable.  When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom.  If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your mate sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch, or if your mate spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it.  When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, “I love you,” and then keep walking.  Take some chances and do the unexpected.

10.       Lighten Up Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.  It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say.  Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up.  Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem.  If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it.  If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself.  This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.   11.       Communicate When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop.  It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad.  When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start.  This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind.  Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk.  Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen.  That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine.  However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution.  This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.   12.       A Night of Passion Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.  Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way.  When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other.  However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial.  Make your intimate time together special.  Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

13.       Dinner Party Start a new tradition of hosting a dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you and your mate’s friends.  Set up board games that everyone will enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a blast.  Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a great way to reduce stress.  When stress is low, couples get along better.  This is a wonderful way to interact with each other’s friends as a couple.   14.       Happy Birthday As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated.  Gifts are quickly given, meals eaten, and it is over.  For your mate’s next birthday, take some time to plan something very special.  Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation.  Every person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated.  Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed that you went to all the effort just for them.   15.       Secret Getaway Plan a nice weekend getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy some privacy.  A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast would be ideal choices.  Scout out the area ahead of time and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you to enjoy some alone time.  Order a nice bottle of wine or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire!  Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love. If you're really adventurous, head off across the world to phuket.   16.       Special Greeting If your mate has to work late and you know he had a bad day, surprise him with a late-night gourmet meal.  When you hear him arrive home, greet him in new, sexy lingerie, a warm kiss, and wonderful hot meal.  After he picks himself up off the floor, he will fall in love with you all over again for this wonderful greeting.  If reversed and the woman is coming home, after giving her a lingering kiss, have her join you in the dining room where the table is set with soft glowing candles and a wonderful meal.  Have an envelope lying by her plate that when opened, she will read, “This certificate is good for one thirty-minute massage after dinner.”  This is how you keep romance alive!   17.       Just Because Give your mate gifts “just because.”  These do not have to be expensive whatsoever.  For example, one woman had a miniature dish collection in her kitchen.  Her husband came home and told her that he had a gift for her.  Holding out her hand, he gently placed in her hand a miniature porcelain cup with her name neatly written in blue ink.  She knew that this cup probably cost no more than $2.00 but the thought that he would take the time to find something she enjoyed, was worth $1 million.  The small gifts packed with thought are far more cherished.   18.       Say it with Words Surprise your mate with little notes found in unexpected places.  If your mate travels for work, place a loving note somewhere in their suitcase.  Perhaps they have a long commute to work.  If so, slip a note saying, “I love you,” in their CD case where you know they will find it.  Another recommendation is sticking a note on the bathroom mirror so this will be the first thing seen in the morning.  Be creative and have some fun with this.   19.       Cuddle Time When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.  However, as the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the cuddling stops.  Take some time just to cuddle.  If your mate is sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading, scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle.  This makes both people feel secure and loved.   20.       Breakfast in Bed When was the last time you or your mate were served breakfast in bed?  Never?  On a Saturday or Sunday, when nothing special is planned, get up a little early and fix their favorite breakfast.  Include the morning newspaper as an added bonus.  Although they may be shocked, you can be guaranteed that this gesture of love will be appreciated.   |...More updates coming your way,comment if you find this useful..

African Journal of Emergency Medicine - Home

African Journal of Emergency Medicine - Home

Ten Tips For Surviving A Long-Distance Relationship

I am currently in a long-distance relationship, for reasons which are best known to me. It’s not much fun, it’s often lonely, and you will miss your significant other a lot. In my case, my partner and I are living in two separate countries (I am in Nigeria, she is in The UK) and have been apart for the better part of two years. Below are ten tips my partner and I have both learned together which can help you survive your own long-distance relationship.
1. Know if he/she is the one
Before you can really endure a long-term relationship, it’s important to know whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You owe it to each other to have a mutual understanding of what your relationship is, and what you envision for your future together. If you are not on the same path and committed for the long-haul, then you are simply wasting your time and emotional energy on an “unless I find someone better” relationship. If you’re just not sure, you owe it to your partner to tell them so up front. Long distance relationships are hard and take teamwork to get through together!
2. Stay active
Being separated from a loved one can make you feel incomplete. You may be less motivated both inside and outside the relationship, and you may find that life experiences are less meaningful without your significant other to share them with. Being active with a social club, church, meetup group, sport, or any variety of other activities which might interest you will help to keep you strong and feeling complete. These things will also help you focus on the life you have, rather than the life that you are currently deprived of. It is easy to dwell on the distance between you and your loved one. Sometimes a good distraction is all it takes to ease your mind from such a burden, meaning you are freer to live your own life happily, and to share happy moments with your loved one.
For example, I am actively committed to this website, writing a book, and playing soccer in addition to working full-time. My wife has a pretty good idea of my life while she’s away, and I have enough going on to keep me satisfied and motivated. Likewise, my wife is busy teaching violin to impoverished children in her own nation, committed to photography, and spending as much time with her family as she can before returning to the United States.
3. Never allow jealousy to come between the two of you
When you are far from your loved one, your imagination may be inclined to run wild. Never allow yourself to become jealous if there is no reason to be. Your significant other may go out with friends, or be out late one night, but that’s no reason to assume the worst. Always assume the best in your partner, especially if they have never given you a reason to assume anything else.
4. Never give your significant other a reason to doubt you

This goes along with jealousy, and is important for maintaining trust in a relationship. You should reasonably expect your partner to trust you, but don’t push their faith to the limit. Don’t go running off with a friend from the opposite sex for a midnight romp and not expect your significant other to wonder what’s going on. When you are in a committed relationship you should have enough respect for your partner not to put them into such a compromising and awkward position. Trust works both ways!
5. Use Skype, or some other means of video communication
Skype is a fantastic tool. I can’t imagine what life would have been like before it. I am able to video-chat with my own wife who is over 5,000 miles away for absolutely free. The ability to not only hear, but also see your lover makes a huge difference.
6. Commit to at least one joint activity together
Just because you are separated does not mean that you can not share things together. Find a common interest and become involved in it together. My wife and I have started a book club together, and are also both writing and sharing stories with one another in addition to taking photographs for one another. It is still possible to bond and share in life’s many experiences together, especially with the wonders of modern technology!
7. Use this time to become a better person
Co-dependent relationships are often harmful and can lead to the deterioration of both individuals. It is important in any relationship to maintain your own identity, so use this time apart to become a better, stronger you. When you and your partner are rejoined, you will come together as two complete people, with more to offer the relationship than you left with. By focusing your efforts for self-improvement toward building a better relationship, you will find that you are happier and more connected to your partner despite the distance which separates you.
8. Plan your future together
One of the most important things any couple can do, married or not, is plan for the future together. Dreams of home ownership, graduate degrees, fulfilling careers, or vacations on the beach will help you both reaffirm your relationship. By establishing that you both want to share in each others future, you are reinforcing the idea that you plan to be together for the long-haul.
9. Never forget the simple niceties
Don’t forget to ask your partner about their day, and to be interested in their life. When you are talking with them is the time to focus on what they are doing, and how they are feeling. You have plenty of time throughout the day to focus on yourself, so be sure to give your S.O. all the attention they need and deserve when you talk to them, and always remember to say the things that matter most like “I love you.”
10. Just because you’re separated does not mean you should keep your partner in the dark about your activities
Let your partner know what you are doing, where you’re going, and who you see each day. They will not only feel close to you and have the sense that they know everything about your daily life, they will also feel no reason to be jealous, or to lose trust in you. Just be honest, and give them the general details of your day-to-day life, and your partner will love you for it. You don’t have to provide every last detail of your day, just let them know what you’re up to generally. Sending an email each day is one of the best things you can do for your relationship!
I hope this works for you. Goodluck

Pharrell Ovo Ogomuno

Seasonality, Food Origin, and Food Preference

A growing body of evidence supports the link between optimal health and diets rich in fruits, vegetables, and other plant foods. Most areas of the United States experience significant seasonal variation in the availability of locally produced fresh fruits and vegetables. However, little is known about consumer attitudes toward locally grown produce that is available on a seasonal basis. A mail survey was used to explore differences in preference for local foods, concerns about food and health, environmental concerns, and dietary habits between food cooperative members and nonmembers in the greater Seattle area. In contrast to nonmembers, food cooperative members displayed a stronger preference for seasonal and local foods. They also evinced less doubt about the nutritional adequacy of regionally based diets and a stronger commitment to buying locally produced food as a way to conserve natural resources. In both groups, a preference for seasonal and local fruits and vegetables was significantly correlated with concern for the environment. For food cooperative members, a concern over the use of natural resources in food production was a significant explanatory variable for seasonal and local food preference. Implications for food and nutrition education, policy, and the food system are discussed.

Four Tips to Strengthen Your Relationship with Mom

Mother's Day is a day to honor and celebrate moms. Moms are very special and they play a critical role in their children's lives. When you think about it, for most people, the first relationship they develop is the one with their mom. It's also the longest lasting relationship!

To help make your Mother's Day a good one, here are 4 simple tips for how to improve or strengthen the relationship with your mom.

1. Focus on Positive.
In any relationship there are going to be struggles and challenges. Instead of focusing on what goes wrong or your struggles, shift your attention and begin to amplify or recognize what's right (positive/good) about you and your mother. Make a list of what you love about your mom and tell her.

2. Respect and Validate Differences.
Each of you was born in a different time period, with different values and ways of living. You may not agree on everything, even the important things in life. You don't have to agree with each other -- just acknowledge and respect each other's thoughts and feelings. Some people have been angry or in a fight with their mom for years. These are wasted years. Pick up the phone and apologize or forgive her. Move on. Often times, the qualities that we dislike in our mothers, we find in ourselves as we grow older.

3. Boundaries.
Respect one another's privacy. Boundaries in what you say and tell your mother (and what she tells you) are OK. Do not look to your mother to be your best friend.

4. Time.
Often times, we don't spend enough time with our moms. What about those deep conversations that you used to have with your mother? Do you know where she would go in a crisis? Do you really know what is on her mind these days? What does she enjoy doing? Spend time strengthening your relationship and opening the lines of communication between you and your mother. Be clear about what you mean. Say what you mean.

Don't expect your mother to read your mind! When we expect others to read our minds we always get disappointed. Like any relationship, this relationship also takes work. Change cannot occur in one day or week -- but over time!

Relationship of Diet-Health Attitudes and Nutrition Knowledge of Household Meal

The relationship of household meal planners’ diet-health attitudes and nutrition knowledge to their fat and fiber intakes and to the intakes of 2- to 5-year-old children in the households was examined using data from the 1989–91 Continuing Survey of Food Intake by Individuals and Diet Health Knowledge Survey (CSFII/DHKS). Selected households (n = 478) provided 24-hour diet recalls and the households’ main meal planners responded to the DHKS. Meal planner attitude variables were defined according to the Health Belief Model and selected CSFII/DHKS questions served as proxy measures. The relationship of meal planners’ attitudes and knowledge to meal planners’ and children's fat and fiber consumption at home and in the total diet was analyzed using multiple regression. Several diet-health attitude variables were significantly related to meal planners’ fat and fiber intakes and relationships were similar for foods eaten at home and for foods eaten in the total diet. Knowledge was significantly related to meal planners’ and children's home fat intake (p < .05) but the relationships failed to reach statistical significance for the total diets. Meal planners’ taste concerns differed significantly in their relationship to meal planners’ and children's fiber consumption (p < .05). Results indicate that parents’ diet-health attitudes are more influential in their diets than in the diets of preschoolers. Findings also suggest that taste and practical food concerns are significant barriers to healthy eating among younger adults and that general nutrition knowledge may not be as helpful in making healthy food choices outside the home as it may be in the home setting.