I am currently in a long-distance relationship, for reasons which are best known to me. It’s not much fun, it’s often lonely, and you will miss your significant other a lot. In my case, my partner and I are living in two separate countries (I am in Nigeria, she is in The UK) and have been apart for the better part of two years. Below are ten tips my partner and I have both learned together which can help you survive your own long-distance relationship.
1. Know if he/she is the one
Before you can really endure a long-term relationship, it’s important to know whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You owe it to each other to have a mutual understanding of what your relationship is, and what you envision for your future together. If you are not on the same path and committed for the long-haul, then you are simply wasting your time and emotional energy on an “unless I find someone better” relationship. If you’re just not sure, you owe it to your partner to tell them so up front. Long distance relationships are hard and take teamwork to get through together!
2. Stay active
Being separated from a loved one can make you feel incomplete. You may be less motivated both inside and outside the relationship, and you may find that life experiences are less meaningful without your significant other to share them with. Being active with a social club, church, meetup group, sport, or any variety of other activities which might interest you will help to keep you strong and feeling complete. These things will also help you focus on the life you have, rather than the life that you are currently deprived of. It is easy to dwell on the distance between you and your loved one. Sometimes a good distraction is all it takes to ease your mind from such a burden, meaning you are freer to live your own life happily, and to share happy moments with your loved one.
For example, I am actively committed to this website, writing a book, and playing soccer in addition to working full-time. My wife has a pretty good idea of my life while she’s away, and I have enough going on to keep me satisfied and motivated. Likewise, my wife is busy teaching violin to impoverished children in her own nation, committed to photography, and spending as much time with her family as she can before returning to the United States.
3. Never allow jealousy to come between the two of you
When you are far from your loved one, your imagination may be inclined to run wild. Never allow yourself to become jealous if there is no reason to be. Your significant other may go out with friends, or be out late one night, but that’s no reason to assume the worst. Always assume the best in your partner, especially if they have never given you a reason to assume anything else.
4. Never give your significant other a reason to doubt you
This goes along with jealousy, and is important for maintaining trust in a relationship. You should reasonably expect your partner to trust you, but don’t push their faith to the limit. Don’t go running off with a friend from the opposite sex for a midnight romp and not expect your significant other to wonder what’s going on. When you are in a committed relationship you should have enough respect for your partner not to put them into such a compromising and awkward position. Trust works both ways!
5. Use Skype, or some other means of video communication
Skype is a fantastic tool. I can’t imagine what life would have been like before it. I am able to video-chat with my own wife who is over 5,000 miles away for absolutely free. The ability to not only hear, but also see your lover makes a huge difference.
6. Commit to at least one joint activity together
Just because you are separated does not mean that you can not share things together. Find a common interest and become involved in it together. My wife and I have started a book club together, and are also both writing and sharing stories with one another in addition to taking photographs for one another. It is still possible to bond and share in life’s many experiences together, especially with the wonders of modern technology!
7. Use this time to become a better person
Co-dependent relationships are often harmful and can lead to the deterioration of both individuals. It is important in any relationship to maintain your own identity, so use this time apart to become a better, stronger you. When you and your partner are rejoined, you will come together as two complete people, with more to offer the relationship than you left with. By focusing your efforts for self-improvement toward building a better relationship, you will find that you are happier and more connected to your partner despite the distance which separates you.
8. Plan your future together
One of the most important things any couple can do, married or not, is plan for the future together. Dreams of home ownership, graduate degrees, fulfilling careers, or vacations on the beach will help you both reaffirm your relationship. By establishing that you both want to share in each others future, you are reinforcing the idea that you plan to be together for the long-haul.
9. Never forget the simple niceties
Don’t forget to ask your partner about their day, and to be interested in their life. When you are talking with them is the time to focus on what they are doing, and how they are feeling. You have plenty of time throughout the day to focus on yourself, so be sure to give your S.O. all the attention they need and deserve when you talk to them, and always remember to say the things that matter most like “I love you.”
10. Just because you’re separated does not mean you should keep your partner in the dark about your activities
Let your partner know what you are doing, where you’re going, and who you see each day. They will not only feel close to you and have the sense that they know everything about your daily life, they will also feel no reason to be jealous, or to lose trust in you. Just be honest, and give them the general details of your day-to-day life, and your partner will love you for it. You don’t have to provide every last detail of your day, just let them know what you’re up to generally. Sending an email each day is one of the best things you can do for your relationship!
I hope this works for you. Goodluck
Pharrell Ovo Ogomuno
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